Hello life, how are you?

Ever heard of the phrase “Life is like a wheel, sometimes you’re up, sometime you’re down” or something similar to that?

Let me tell you that, that phrase bears truth. A lot of truth.

What I am about to share to you guys is something that happened to me and it’s still happening. I am not writing this for you guys to show pity on me. Hell no. I am sharing this because maybe, just maybe, some of you who are in a similar situation as mine would be able to find some insight.


 

Photo by Devian Grey
Life literally decided to test me last year. 2012 was such a struggle for me. It all started summer 2012, the trigger was the death of my grandmother. From them on, bad things happened from relationship problems to career problems. My emotional being took a big hit. In fact it was a critical hit. I would wake up in the middle night crying. Idle times would turn me into a sobbing mess. It went on for months. I never told anyone was going on with me. Not to family, not to friends, not to love ones. I kept it in thinking it’s just me being emo-shit and it will be okay soon. But it was not. It was not okay.

Then one day, I cracked and had an emotional breakdown. That’s when I realized that there is something really wrong with me. That this hurtful throb in my heart is not just a physical pain but an emotional one. That those sobbing moments, those uncontrollable cries every night was not normal. That hiding the pain from everyone and throwing a happy face is literally a killer. That I was suffering of some sort of depression is something not to be ignored. It was that night, I realized I was not okay.

It took a lot of courage for me to accept it and have myself see a therapist, to admit to my parents that I am emotionally unwell. To tell my closest friends that I am not okay. For a long time that I am not okay.

Until now, I feel like I’m still in a slumber, still trying to heal. I struggle everyday not to let depression ruin what I have right now. I still go out, hang out with friends, go to work etc. If there’s something I do know, is that I have more alone-time. I usually spend time alone nowadays. I know it sounded a bit lonely and all but I currently feel at peace being alone most of the time. It made me reflect and be in touch with my inner self. With this, I found myself surrounding myself with people who I really trust the most and I just lie low on going out in a big group. I found myself much happier if I focus on the good things rather than the bad. I try to remember sad memories and try to accept them. Slowly but surely.

So where is life putting me right now? I think in the middle? I am not completely okay but at least I can say that I am going to get to the top soon. I have to say that no more crying in the middle of the night and my visit to my therapist is not as frequent as before. I was told we’re near termination of the helping session since I am on my way there already and I could handle my fragile emotional state with much ease and clarity.

When I told my closest friends that the good vibes and good feels is what keeping me going, I meant it. My family helped me a lot and I’ve spending more time with my mom now. I hope and pray that this progress I have made will continue. I pray that someday I will be on top again.

2013 started well for me and I took it as a good sign.

To those who have listened to me, those who have tried to help me go through this. Thank you.

And those who are in the same position as me, life goes on my friend. It doesn’t stop just because you are feeling that way. Surround yourself with people who genuinely cares and love you. Talk to your inner self. Reflect and try to understand your situation. Accept your situation and try to find help and when you do, have the courage to help yourself. Keep away from negative vibes and always remember: You are not alone in this. Never you are and never will be.

Once you get over this, you will be stronger than ever.

AFA12: Day 0 + Extra Days

NAIA at 4 AM

Hello. Lol. This is like SUPER LATE BLOGPOST and SUPER LONG POST of my trip to Singapore last month but I can’t just not blog about the non-AFA stuff that happened during my stay there.

Let me start with Day 0. As usual like my trip to SG last year for AFA, I took the 5AM frikking flight. I was with my partner Devian Gray in this flight. I am okay with this kind of flight because there’s so much free time as soon as we landed in Singapore.

Saw Ate Jewel, Kuya Robert and Charmie at NAIA too. Who would thought we would have the same flight? LOL.

Upon checking in, I was overweight by 1 Kilogram but I got lucky because they let me off and I didn’t have to pay for the extra baggage. I only have 20Kg check-in baggage. I bought too many gifts for friends overseas OTL but it’s okay. Lesson learned. Next time, I’m getting a 30Kg baggage limit LOL.
As Devian Gray and I settled on our seats, I literally KO-ed. I woke up and we were near SG already -_-;;; Well at least I managed to get some snooze. I remember not getting some sleep last year and I suffered greatly for it.

Upon arriving at the airport, to make things faster, I asked Devian Gray if he can get our baggage as I run to the Duty Free and buy Vodka for my sister since it’s my gift to her for her birthday. I thank Devian for this :3

Super thanks to my mahal Vio, Jesuke and Vic for picking us up at the airport ;A;.

All of us except for Ate Jewel, Kuya Robert and Charmie stayed at The Hive at Serangoon Road. We stayed there last year and we love the accommodations there. As soon as we got there, we got to meet Nikki, Chesra and Cha who were there a day before us.

As soon as we settled in, Vio mahal had to go for her shoot while Jesuke & Vic along with Charmie, Ate Jewel and Kuya Robert took us all for Chicken Rice ^^.

Credits to Nikki

Credits to Nikki

After that, the group separated. Our group w/ Vic went to Bugis to do some shopping while Jesuke, Charmie, Kuya Robert and Ate Jewel went off to somewhere else.

I didn’t shop that much but I did buy something for myself and a gift for SnowFallSlasher. Nikki and Cha shopped a lot I think. I was with them and it was my first time to hear them speak Chinese XD It was something new and I was observing them with glee. Devian Grey was shopping for lingerie (ITS FOR HIS COSPLAY OKAY) and Aruki was shopping for our T&B casual/deito shoot.

Super thanks to Vic for helping us out!!

After shopping, we all went back to our hostel because Nikki, Cha and Chesra needed to prepare for their shoot with Erving and Giann. I had to rest a bit and also went out on my own to assist two lovely boys at EXPO. Friday was their rehearsal day and they need one helper to be there. When I was traveling from Boonkeng to EXPO I felt like I was traveling from Quezon City to Paranaque using public transportation 0_o;;; It was that FAR!

After assisting the boys, I returned to the hostel almost to midnight. Took the cab already because I was too tired to use the SMRT. Thus Day 0 ended for me.

Then Day 1 & Day 2 of AFA went by and it was Day 3. LOL

Day 3 meant the Tiger & Bunny shoot I have with Aruki at Marina Bay Sands with RoxWindy and Paolo

Super thanks to Devian Grey who served not just as Saikang but also as a Photographer for this shoot!

This shoot is probably the most carefree and easiest shoot I have ever done. Everything looked so natural for us. LOL.

Also Zeph joined us for lunch ^^. We had so much fun chatting during lunch but after that I had to leave because of my sister’s dinner party. She lived in Tampines which is so far from where we are shooting. During my journey there I was mistaken by a local by a woman. Hahahaha I think its because I easily adapted to the Singaporean accent so there XD.

After the dinner party, I managed to catch up on the evening shoot. Lunaru, Devian Grey, Abu, Naoya & Quakey were shooting UtaPri at MBS w/ z3LL, Rej and Xeno as their photogs. At the same time, side by side Aruki is having a shoot with Zeph with William as their photog! Kaeki was there helping them out. LOL They were doing Tiger & Bunny casual shoot also.

w/ Zeph and Aruki *u*
Photo by William ^^b

After the shoot, we came across Skye, Nik, Ashteyz, Kaika, Cvy, Saku and a lot more. They just came from a party that night. It was awesome to see them before we parted ways. I remember chasing Nik when I saw him passing by. So shocked I chased after him XD

After that we ate a very late dinner. It’s a good thing it was a holiday the next day XD. We had dinner at McDo (DONTJUDGEUSOKAY). It was the only thing opened that night XD

I remember going to McDo, we had to cross the street and guess what Nik had us do? HE HAD US JAYWALK!!! LOLOLOLOL fun times.

Anyway, it was pretty late when we returned to the hostel. Lunaru and I had a bad encounter with this rude Korean guy at the hostel thanks to that French guy for saving us. Too bad he left pretty early, I’ve wanted to thank him more to what he did for us. It was so freaky that Luna and I had to share beds for that night -_-;;;

Anyway for Day 4 I was left along with Erving while the rest had to go home XD. My flight back was like in the early wee hours the next day that means I had to be at the airport at 9PM or so. Thanks to Yuanie for driving me around and to Saku who accompanied us that day.

They took us to this restaurant where we ate goodylicious snacks. OMG I miss the food we ate there T^T

MILO DINOSAUR ;A;
French Toast Goodness
The peanut butter on this french toast is to die for!!!!
MOUNTAIN OF MANGO LOVE which I accidentally destroyed huhuhuhuhu OTL

hanks to Erving who invited Tenka to join us, I managed to meet Tenka before I leave SG!!! Weee <3

w/ Tenka, Yuanie & Saku
Me & Tenka ^^

After that, we roamed around buying stuff at Daiso, looking at Toy figurines and stuff. Before we know it, it’s dinner time! Saku was able to arrange a dinner with Vio & Christy for me T^T. Also got to meet Kaika before I left too! I realized I didn’t have a proper photo with you Kaika T^T

Bye-Bye Kaika T^T Lol our faces

Me & Vio <3

me w/ Christy & Saku who I married that day XD

me & Yuanie

After dinner it was time for me to go to the airport. Thanks to Roger, Yuanie’s friend for driving us there. Thanks to Yuanie, Saku, Roger & Yuanie for staying with me until I checked in and had to go T^T.

I totally KO-ed on my flight back to the Philippines. Never again will take a flight like this going back. WHAT WAS I THINKING? OTL.

Nevertheless the extra days I’ve stayed in SG was worth it. So much feels and fun times. Will never forget it.
Until next time!! Definitely for COSFEST I SHALL GO!

Sleepwalking

Here is me greeting all of you HAPPY HALLOWEEN with this creepy story. No ghost involved here I promise you but creepy nonetheless.

Have you ever experienced sleepwalking?

I did.

Well of course I don’t sleep walk anymore but apparently, there is this movie that made me sleepwalk. According to my older sister, we were watching on TV. Both of us could not remember what movie it was but it disturbed me so, that I sleepwalked for three nights.

I can’t remember now the story but it involved angels and a prophecy and stuff.

I can’t remember now the story but it involved angels and a prophecy and stuff.

Apparently, the movie’s name is THE PROPHECY. It has like four sequels and all. I remembered this movie when I was researching for horror movies to watch. The movie’s plot is about angels who is at war with each other to protect the survival of the human soul.

I have yet to watch this movie again to remember what made me sleepwalk.

According to my sister, the night we watched this movie I sleepwalked. I got out of bed, went into the sala where my sister was still watching and she said, I was muttering words she could not understand. She tried waking me up by speaking loudly at me but I did not budge. After a minute, I walked back the room and went to bed.

My older sister talked to me about it the next day and I was creep out by it. I know I was dreaming that night but I could not remember.

My 2nd night of sleepwalking, it was the maid who saw me. I went out of bed and went out of the house. According to the maid, I was trying to open the gate but I couldn’t. She tried waking me up by shaking me but I could not wake up. Eventually, she managed to pry me out of there and into the room and lay me to bed.

The 3rd night, it was my mom who saw me. She told me she saw me seating straight up on the living room chair with the TV open but I was asleep.She tried waking me up but like the other two night I didn’t budge. According to my mom, I got up and went to bed after like 2 minutes.

After that, my mom had to sleep next to me to make sure that I don’t sleepwalk. But after that night I didn’t. My mom made sure I don’t watch any horror or psychological thriller for at least a month.

I don’t know why I sleepwalked for three day because of that movie but I am going to find out. I have a copy now of the movie in my laptop. I will watch it again and let’s see what will happen. Will I sleepwalk again? Hmmm….

Good Morning, Lovely

One thing I hate about the coming Halloween, is that my magnetism to the supernatural gets stronger. Like STRONG. Wait… yes, I can sense and sometimes see supernatural things like ghosts, engkanto whatever. So far I have not yet seen a demon. God help me, please just NOT THAT.

So why am I writing this? Well, Halloween is around the corner and I thought why not share the creepy and scary things that happened to me starting today, until Halloween. Hahahahahaha ha ha ha ha.

I start with this story….

I sleep hugging a pillow, burying my face on it and have the blanket cover me from head to toe. My mom hates how I sleep, she says I’m smothering myself to death. I have this habit waking up immediately as soon as my alarm goes off or sometimes before it even goes off. So, one time I woke up before my alarm goes off. I know it was morning but the sun has not risen yet. As soon as I took off the covers and opened my eyes, guess what?

OH GOOD MORNING LOVELY!

There is this ghost of a girl with a bleeding head STARING at me.

As any sane person would do. I screamed and ducked into the covers.

My mom entered my room and she too saw IT. She approached my bed and pulled me out of it and out of the room.

FANTASTIC RIGHT? NO.

Apparently, our house because of some bad fung shui (if you believe in it) has become sort of portal to the dead every Halloween. Because of what happened to me, it is a must in the house that we light a candlestick outside of our gate. My mom said that the ghost got lost and thought the house was some portal of some sorts. So we need to light their way so they won’t get lost.

I never saw that ghost again. But I do remember the fear I felt then. I don’t know why she was there staring at me but that is one wake up call I don’t wanna experience ever again.